Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
