What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
