i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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