I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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