based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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