I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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