I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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