wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
