break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
