Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
