When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
