508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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