At least make sure they are 18
Why
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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