grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
