Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize