I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
