WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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