If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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