i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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