So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
