I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
