dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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