Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
