You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
