he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
