I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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