if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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