Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
