I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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