Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
