Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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