I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
