He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
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I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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