Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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