Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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