I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
