exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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Being responsible doesn't make memories.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize