I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
