i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
