your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
