At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
