I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
