It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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