I faked an abortion last night.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
