this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
