Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
