I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize