VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
