Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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