OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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