How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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