Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
