So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
bring money and cleavage
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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