So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
