Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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