Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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