i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
