Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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