i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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