Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
one might say we're banned from that church
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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