Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
