god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
