She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
