For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
