You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize