It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
