your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
